i - text

[relativistic]

[you get a whole lot of static and then button mashing on the screen, because someone is busy trying to figure out how this new communicator works in a hurry. the feed shifts to VOICE finally]

-- all this future technology and you can't even be bothered to add better games on this shitty PDA --

[before it settles on TEXT]

wow KERNOS this is kind of annoying and you fuckers have outdone yourselves.

hey guys it's POP QUIZ time!!!!

a) is this level 2 already
b) when are we gonna do the red pill blue pill thing like in the movies because i am done with this timey wimey fuckery

[EDIT #1]

c) WHERE DO FOXES GO AFTER DARK?

[EDIT #2]

d) WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU DIE HERE cause that's how these things go right you either have some failsafe thing where you die and are reset or you don't appear anymore?



ooc; gonna be slow, guys!!!

Comments

permaFROWN >:{

[relativistic]

[HE'S LISTENING TO YOUR THREAD, MOM]

INSECURE MUCH. i'm sorry you're so jealous of me, but i can't help it if my genius is too subtle.

[femshep]

[I'M NOT YOUR REAL MOM

...also, what should she have expected but a ridiculous answer?]

Jealous. Right. Because there's no possibility at all that you just made no fucking sense whatsoever.

Glad we had this enlightening talk.

[relativistic]

[wat this is not normal shepard reaction. hold up motherfucker something's wrong.]

ok, so this isn't how this normally works. normally i banter and you return with something kind of witty but not as cool as mine and then we shoot things.

[femshep]

Back up and hold on.

You've got the wrong person. I don't recognize the voice, and I sure as hell don't recognize the name.

[relativistic]

nononono you got it all wrong. because on this side of the fence you can kill me on how much i know just beyond recognition, and we're supposed to be past that.

[video, private]

[femshep]

Let's cut the bullshit. Who are you, and how do you know who I am?

voice, private

[relativistic]

Little better and far worse. At least you're not dead?

voice, private

[femshep]

[She sounds a little more frustrated.] That doesn't answer either of my questions.

[relativistic]

I don't think I will, either way, but that depends on a couple of other things. Shit's complicated, alright?

What's the last thing you remember.

[femshep]

Right, because you were so helpful when I asked questions.

[But god, this is pissing her off a lot more than it should. So she makes an executive decision:]

I'm done here.

[CLICK. shepard just hung up on you, wes.]

[relativistic]

[50+ messages later]

shepard pick up.

i worked a shitty desk job forever ago, man. i can do this in front of the computers all day long. my ergonomic keyboard never left me bored and my mutant skills involve wrestling with ms word and excel while you're out saving the world.

[femshep]

[oh god what the fuck even is this

She eventually gets goddamn sick of the messages and sends:]

what the hell do you want from me? because fuck, trying to talk sure worked so well.

[relativistic]

what's the last thing you remember. this is important, so i'll give you a hint: i watched you die.

[femshep]

[looooong pause. She's really not sure what to make of this. so she defaults to disbelief.]

Bullshit. That was two years back, and ten times farther out of Citadel space than the regulated civilian cruiser zones.

But points for execution, you almost got me there.

[relativistic]

wait, what? ok, i never knew about that, but thanks for the intel. that also tells me you have no idea there's a parallel of you running around who i was bros with and i just watched her die the other day, before i woke up here.

[femshep]

I'd call bullshit again, but I haven't met a single person in Citadel space who didn't know some part of what I just told you.

[Back home she's... kind of a big deal. And the details about her life (and rumored temporary lack thereof) are significantly more public than she would've liked.]

A parallel of me.

Alright, smartass: Prove it. You said we were friends, right? This should be easy.

[relativistic]

no, but how many people in different dimensions know about the normandy? [that's a big ship, right? he can't imagine it's the fucking place.]

this is lame. we're not friends we're just friends. do i sound like a guy who wants to talk with you about your goddamned feelings??? i never took an interest in your personal life because part of that involves you walking in on sheva and eliot fucking and why the fuck would you tell me about that, i still haven't forgiven you for that. you owe me all the bleach in the world.

[femshep]

Depends on who's been paying attention to the network. I've introduced myself to four different people as 'Commander Shepard, Normandy SR-2'.

[but that last bit sounds a little to out-of-the-blue to be concocted to fool her, even from someone as questionably ADHD as he seems to be.]

If you know anything about me, you know how hard the galaxy's tried to fuck with my head. So you'll forgive me just this once for not blindly following the word of a stranger who calls himself my pal.

[relativistic]

look. you don't get it. i never wanted to be your pal. we banter and we shoot things. we get along because we shoot at the same things, though you find my everything questionable as fuck and i find yours just as weird. i don't talk about my past and i don't ask about yours and we keep it like that. that's the kind of thing we got all worked out, alright? mindfucked or not you can at least appreciate that.

closing this thread and keeping the one on her post going, work for you?

[femshep]

[You've given her a lot to chew on. She's done replying now, for the second time so far.

And if the two of them were never pals anyway, he's got no reason to give enough of a fuck to contact her again. For now, anyway.]