[voice;; monday afternoon]

[barelydead]

Hi. [ _{he's not sure what to say, so he goes with regulation; he clears his throat, his tone going official.} ]

My name is James T. Kirk, and I'm Captain of the Federation starship USS Enterprise, [ _{he falters:} ] not that that... really matters here, I guess. [ _{a half-hearted attempt to return to sounding official:} ] I got here- "woke up" --roughly two nights ago, and, [ _{and it falls apart.} ] I've gotta say, for a city in the middle of what was reportedly a bountiful forest, I'm feeling underwhelmed by the cuisine here. Is there any place around here to get something good? I'll eat just about anything, I just [ _{he laughs quietly.} ] ...can't cook. I can hunt if I have to, but I'd rather go with someone until I learn the basic lay of the land.

Mm, and while I'm here, I need to get a job or something or I'm going to go insane, so if anyone needs a fully-trained starship captain...? I'm your man.

Thanks. [ _{awkwardly, because he's not sure how to end this transmission:} ] Kirk out.

Comments

[damn_it_jim]

Underwhelemed by the cuisine? Why, that's downright dainty of you phrasing it like that, Jim.

[Rule #425436: Always take the piss out of your friends where appropriate. Bones is at the hospital by his backdrop, and looking entertained.]

There are a couple taverns in the market district if you're looking for them. Still wouldn't call if five stars, but you seriously can't cook? I thought you just stole my leftovers at the Academy because you have a questionable sense of personal boundaries.

[barelydead]

[ _snort. ]

That's me, the dainty one. No, I can't cook. Why would I know how to cook? Do you know how?

[damn_it_jim]

I was married, Jim. Women like it when you cook. It makes things special.

[Which doesn't mean to say that he had much time for it, or, as it turns out, for the marriage in general, hence the past tense, but Kirk doesn't need to know that.]

Besides, you're the damned genius intellect. It's nothing more than applied chemistry.

[barelydead]

[ _{the eyeroll of the century.} ]

Knowing chemistry doesn't mean I'll know how to make it not taste like roadkill, Bones. I can make it edible, in the strictest sense of the word? But that's about it.

[ _{he bites back a snotty comment about marriage and grins, instead.} ]

Maybe you can cook for me, sometime.

[damn_it_jim]

So don't use roadkill. Lesson one: if it got run over by a hoverbike, don't put it in your mouth,

[Bones is very helpful. He smirks at Jim for a long moment before making an allowance.]

I could teach you the basics. Don't think you're getting out of learning them on humanitarian grounds or anything.

[barelydead]

[ _{the longest "oh my god" eyeroll of his short life.} ]

Sure, okay. I'll let you teach me while you're cooking for me. [ _{BEAM. and then total subject switch to both 1) win and b) get the truth out of his CMO.} ] Sounds great, Bones, I'll look forward to it when you come home. When will that be, by the way? Because I haven't seen a whole lot of you lately, and I was under the impression sleep was still necessary here.

[damn_it_jim]

If I'm cooking, you're doing the dishes.

[Terms named, he looks smugly satisfied, and then a little nonplussed as he thinks to check the time.]

Where did the-- Oh hell. I'm getting out of here before Chapel chases me out with a broom. I'll see you in an hour or so... which should be plenty of time for you to swing by the shops and get ingredients.

would you like to log this or keep it here? or handwave it? whatever is fine by me =w=

[barelydead]

Fine by me.

[ _{momentary panic.} ]

Wait, you mean right now? Uhhh, okay. [ _{he leans out of frame, and there's the sound of things rustling as he tries to find a pen and paper.} ] What do you need? Just anything, or..?

I'd like to log it, but would you mind setting up the log? My brain is well-gnawed by this heat...

[damn_it_jim]

Improvise, Jim.

[There's something decidedly fiendish about the grin Bones tips him before cutting the comm.]

Isn't that what you're best at?

I can do that =w=

[barelydead]

[ _{that rat bastard. he opens his mouth to reply but Bones is already gone.} ]

..Damnit, Bones, I'm a captain, not a chef, [ _{he snarks at the silent comm.} ]