outer_divide | sixth scroll [video ; open]

It has been over a week since the attacks on the marketplace. From my somewhat limited understanding of how it all works I am given to presume, by now, this means any one of us who originally awoke as captives on the ship that died during the incident have had time to have been...resurrected. That is, if they have not been reclaimed by the pods.

I crossed paths with some of you at the wake at Callahan's a few days ago. But there are a still a few familiar faces that...that I do not know the fates of, at this time. And it unsettles me.

So if you are seeing this and are an ally or acquaintance of mine, know that I would like to hear from you. I'm sometimes lacking in keeping track of my companions at the best of times; and I'm well aware of this failing. But even if you weren't at the market during the battle, if I haven't spoken to you since then, I would very much like to speak with you now.

Just so I might know for sure, who's still around. And who's not.

[Pause. Her voice has been getting gradually more emotive the entire time. Her last word is somehow simultaneously restrained and frantic.]

Please.

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Yeah. I'm...still here.

S-sorry...about the other day.

Is everything all right now?

Have you and Wanda had a chance to speak?

I don't...I don't know. That's the problem. The other day. Something I thought was in the past...I [She looks away, ashamed.] I should be better than that.

No, I haven't seen her. I feel her, but I haven't seen her. Not yet.

[She's very, very quiet while Kerra tries to apologize. Not meeting her eyes. Thinking.

And in the end, she opts to say nothing on the subject at all, but move right past.]

...Why haven't you? Given your concern, I would have thought you'd go looking for her straight away.

[That's something Kerra is extremely grateful for. She doesn't really want to talk about it, but...it needed saying]

I don't think that she'd want me prying. And I want to give her time...let her find me. Just hearing about it was bad, I can't imagine actually...dying.

I don't think she wanted me to tell you about it at all. Too bad for her, you and I had already spoken before she had a chance to warn me.

Yeah. Guess that means she and I need to talk. I...guess I get why she wouldn't wanna tell me. But it needs to happen.

And...you...you and I? We're good, right? I...can come home?

I would certainly think that it does.

But don't tell me one of the reasons you've been avoiding the household is because of me. [Note how that isn't an answer.]

...Actually...I...yes. I don't want to make you uncomfortable. I'm not...I'm back in control.

[She hangs her head, covering her face.]

It's...hard to explain. But...it won't happen again.

What do you mean that you're not in control?

I mean I am...I wasn't, before.

Have I ever told you much about the Force?

Not all that much, I don't think. I know I'd heard you speak of it in passing, but there's never been...much of an explanation. [Then again Mulan clearly never thought to ask.]

It's the source of my power. My ally and what makes me...well...me.

[She huffs a sigh.]

And it comes in two parts. The first is the side I'd generally tap into. We call it the Light Side, and it's largely benevolent. Healing...which I can't do, misdirection, and self empowerment.

And then there's the other side.

The Dark Side. It...is something dangerous. It's violent, it lets us destroy and tear things down, hurt and kill. It's powerful, it's...seductive. And something that takes over. Fear, anger, worry...any negative emotion can allow it to take a hold on a Jedi if it overwhelms them. When that happens, sometimes it acts through us, especially if we've been exposed to some of the things I've run into. [Odion and his death curse, for instance.] It can be mastered, through focus and meditation, turned aside and contained. I've never been the greatest at that, especially when stuff happens to my friends, but I'm working on it.

It's not an excuse, I just...I felt you should know.

[She listens very carefully, trying to take all this in with the respect and care it obviously deserves.]

So it could happen again? In the future. If one of us...if somebody else gets hurt, I mean. You could lose control the same way. You could be...taken over.

Possibly...[She admits...]

But at the same time, I...wasn't expecting it then. I will be now. It...well...it's never happened to me before. I guess...part of why I've stayed away is to work on something. Fixing images in my head. Things...people I want to protect... I won't hurt you again.

...I believe you. Or at least, I believe that so long as it's something you have any control over, you'll do everything to not let that happen.

But if this was something that never happened to you before, how can you know so much about it?

Other Jedi. It...happens sometimes. Anyone is susceptible...and we've been taught ways to master that fear. That anger...the emotions.

I didn't realize what you did came with such a cost. I can't imagine anyone being able to join the ranks of your order lightly. I'd think most almost might be too afraid to, knowing what might happen.

Yeah, well. They don't tell you. Not really. And to a kid? It's nothing. I was seven when they took me in. And an orphan, from a world invaded by Dark-Side adepts.

[Which made her a bit more desperate, and a lot more bitter.]

How can they expect you to be ready and able for such a thing if you're given no chance to decide?

Faith in the Force. But most Jedi don't have to deal with the things I've dealt with. [A hint of pride enters Kerra's voice now. She is exceptional, in many ways and knows it.]

Most of them have never actually been anywhere near a fight. They've all but abandoned the outer reaches of the Galaxy to the Sith. I didn't.

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