outer_divide | [Video] Monday

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[Video] Monday

[The video comes on to what appears to be a large, reptilian nose.]

Hello, I know I've spoken to some of you, and - erm, hang on.

[The picture rattles about for a minute, showing bits of something large and covered in feathers, before Darwin finds an appropriate place to set the darn contraption where her whole face is visible on camera.]

As I was saying, I've even met a few people out there. Now I know my appearance may be alarming, considering my - ah - distant cousins in residence nearby. I assure you, I'm quite civilized. Educated, even. Back home I'm an engineer and airship pilot.

Now I've been camping out for a bit, but frankly I'm getting sick of it. Besides, I should really be in town. I'm sure you could all use some help getting your buildings together, couldn't you? Or taking crops in? I'm not so dignified that I won't stoop to manual labor to help out fellow sentient beings.

[There's definitely good humor in her expression, though it's hard to tell by her tone that she's joking]

So, put me to work! Anywhere I'd be useful and won't get shot at would be lovely. And a proper, cooked meal wouldn't go unappreciated.

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[This doesn't come immediately - mostly because Tony's been busy staring at the screen, and running what checks he can to try to prove to himself that this is a hoax.

Which, apparently, it isn't.

Well, then.]

Well. This is new.

You know, I keep hearing that. And yet, I can hardly imagine a universe where you monkeys manage to survive long enough on your own to become civilized. My name's Darwin, and it's a pleasure.

I'm pretty sure that's actually the norm. What with us being a tool-using species with opposable thumbs, and not extinct.

[Tact? What is that?]

[Tony, it's a good thing that it's nearly impossible to insult this very large and toothy predator you're speaking with.]

Really? Why, that describes me as well, my dear fellow!

[She steps back a little so he can see her reach into her pack and pull out a pair of pliers, twirl them in her hand - yes, those are opposable thumbs you see - and put them back.]

I come with my own tools, even.

[He's flown down the throat of toothier - trying to not offend the dinosaur honestly doesn't cross his mind.

And people wonder why he needs a keeper.]

And somewhere amongst the possibly-infinite timelines, there's a world where the dominant species is sentient crackers.

[And what he gets from dinosaur with hands is apparently:]

...I'm guessing microcircuitry isn't your specialty.

Has anyone ever told you that you're quite amusing?

[Tony reminds her of some of her fellows in the Engineering Guild back home. It's no wonder she has a high tolerance for attitude, ego, and eccentricity.]

Microcircuitry? Why, no, but that does sound fascinating. Sadly my kind doesn't normally excel at much described as 'micro.' We leave that to you lot, mostly. You've got tiny hands. My specialty is more mechanical engineering.

Has anyone told you how charmingly imperialistic you sound?

[Tony, you have no room to talk. None.]

...And yeah, I'm having a hard time seeing it. You work on airships? Or do you just fly them?

Why... no! I do believe that's a new one!

[Darwin grins. Toothily.]

Both, dear. I designed and built my own ship, back home. With a little help from my assistant, it's true.

[Okay, so Bernie is more of a partner, but she's not passing up a chance to brag a little.]

That's adorable.

[There's a brief pause.]

You know, inasmuch as "adorable" can be applied to a giant, feathered dinosaur with teeth as big as my arm.

[About which he still sounds entirely too flippant. It might be easier to gauge his true reaction if he were using video rather than pure audio - which is probably entirely the point of using pure audio in the first place.]

Oh, they're not that big. And I don't think anyone's ever called me that before, either, Mr...?

Huh. You must be shorter than I would have guessed.

Stark. Tony Stark.

[At least this time, he knows not to expect any recognition whatsoever.

In fact, the dinosaur recognizing his name would be just a little unnerving.]

Pleasure's all mine. And are you into... microcircuitry, then? It sounds interesting.

[Have a staring blonde teenage... person, there, Darwin. Haruka is almost willing to admit Michiru is right, and she's feverish and hallucinating, now, seeing that.

But then, she's seen dinosaurs outside the city, so... why not a talking one? Maybe? Bah. It still seems wrong. Monster-like. She coughs, half to clear her throat and half because it just itches back there, and speaks, a bit raspily. In Japanese, first, because what is listening comprehension?]

So what exactly are you?

[She'll translate once reminded she's using the wrong language, of course....]

[Torn between politeness and not wanting to admit she's really rather hamfisted with foreign languages, Darwin gets the oddest expression of dismay on her face.]

...Pardon?

[Oh, right. English. Haruka scrubs a hand down here face and then through her short hair, and repeats herself in the right language, voice slightly accented.]

What exactly are you.

I'm saurian. A more... evolved version of the primatives around here, you could say.

Saur-i-a-nu.

[She repeats the word a bit awkwardly, one syllable at a time, her voice a little hoarse on top of the accent. She eyes the picture on her phone skeptically.]

And you are-- what. A hunter? Or just an engineer?

Well, I can hunt. I rather have to, these days. I don't really like it. Mostly, I'm an engineer.

[She'd rather have engine grease on her claws than blood]

It seems a waste of those teeth to engineer with them.

[That is not the most tactful comment, but Haruka has never been particularly tactful. She looks a bit more relaxed, though, now.]

I guess there is always heavy lifting. Constructing buildings and fixing roads and things. There is a sickness here now, though.

[And that comes out a bit grudging, as if she doesn't want to admit it.]

I engineer with my hands, of course. Though the teeth have regretfully been of some use since I came here.

[She sighs]

But no, I wouldn't object to helping with some heavy lifting.

[Not dwelling on the teeth anymore, thanks. Haruka focuses on the latter bit.]

I am sure someone here would know what needs doing. I have not, ah. Have not been working for the past few days. But someone will know.

That is good to hear, young sir.

[Yeah, Darwin isn't always the best at guessing gender, and tends to go with the obvious. Short hair and masculine clothing = male.]

I will ask some more of the locals, then.

[Haruka regards the picture on her cell phone for a moment longer, then smirks a little.]

Good luck. At least there is a couple more of us who will not attack you on sight, now, ne?

[ he does stare for a minute. Dr. Banner told him about her, but still! He realizes he's doing it, though, and the stupid video feed is already on. He puts on his most charming smile, which is convincing enough, to make up for it. ]

Darwin, right? And here I thought Dr. Banner was pulling my leg.

Why, yes! I am Darwin. I'm afraid I haven't been likewise told about you, my friend. But I'm quite real, I assure you.

[She grins in a way that's meant to be disarming, if one ignores the teeth]

[ well he's decently sure that's a smile, but he can't help being a little glad they're not in the same room. ]

Captain Jim Kirk. Just got back a few days ago, that's why we hadn't met yet.

Ah, lovely. Well, I haven't met many people, since I've been trying to avoid being shot at. I'm hoping this little announcement will help with any misunderstandings along that vein.

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