Jeff Moreau (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
whoneedslegstofly) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
outer_divide2013-12-02 05:44 pm
whoneedslegstofly) wrote in outer_divide2013-12-02 05:44 pm
Angry Pilot Rant #1 | Video
Right so. The first time this happened? It sucked but, you know, there was a reason. But I also didn't wake up in a stasis pod; just ended up on an unfamiliar planet.
So whoever thought this was a fun joke? It's not.
[Someone doesn't sound thrilled. At all. In fact, he sounds a cross between tired and pissed off and looks it too.
He's leaning up against something, his legs not really wanting to work for him at the moment as he tries to get his bearings.]
Someone send Cortez down here to get me. Now.
So whoever thought this was a fun joke? It's not.
[Someone doesn't sound thrilled. At all. In fact, he sounds a cross between tired and pissed off and looks it too.
He's leaning up against something, his legs not really wanting to work for him at the moment as he tries to get his bearings.]
Someone send Cortez down here to get me. Now.
[Video]
[Kaidan's tone is one where the playful snark of the Bro Code is only partially masking more complex feelings at seeing Joker join their merry band of castaways. Having the Alliance's best pilot on hand (and someone who's as much a brother in arms as anoyone) as he tries to bring an incredibly powerful ship's AI back online is hardly a bad thing, but on the other...
Well. He's going to need a lot of alcohol. The backdrop behind him appears to be elsewhere on the ship, where a few terminal screens are scrolling a mix of standard roman characters and more esoteric alien script.]
The long version is something I'm not getting into without a beer in front of me. The short version is that there are things worse than Reapers out there, and now we get to try and save the fabric of reality from them.
[Video]
...Right, so, about that beer?
[Because he's really going to need some. A lot of it actually.]
Also, your neighborhood sounds like it was fucked up before I got here so don't give me your crap!
[Video]
[But Kaidan glances up from the video feed as one of his consoles pings softly at him, and it's a moment before he comes back, a touch more serious.]
Give me another fifteen minutes with this, and I could probably borrow someone's truck for the trip into town. I usually ride the local answer to a motorbike, but it's not great for passengers.
[Video]
[He frowns a bit.]
Not a big fan of having no fucking clue what's going on.
[The frown fades a bit and he nods slightly.]
Alright. Shepard--...one of the Shepards? Is on her way too.
[Video]
[Or raptors. Kaidan rubs at one temple as if chasing away a headache that's too annoyingly metaphysical to respond to painkillers.]
But, ah... yeah, the dual Shepard thing. I'll try and explain that. Which one?
[Video]
....That just doesn't sound all that pleasant now that I really think about it.
[Joker leans a bit more heavily against the wall, not liking how out of it Kaidan seems.]
Both now. The red head is familiar but she's got some bite to her. Not really familiar with that side of the commander. And the blonde one just contacted me--I really just don't get the blonde. It's weird!
[Video]
[But speculation about the common fishdog really only serves as a distraction for so long, and Kaidan, after a moment to gather his thoughts, spares half of a wry smile and stops his tinkering to rest hip-shot against one of the terminals.]
Basically, the key to understanding all of this is accepting the idea that multiple separate realities exist. The whole theoretical physics thing where every action with multiple outcomes has all those outcomes, it's just each outcome's in its own reality. So the Shepards are from realities pretty close to our own, close enough to throw up a Commander Shepard and her crew, but there are differences. Hair colour, sure, but different choices, too. The redheaded one... she's been through an extra helping of shit, I guess. She's woken up here before, too, which probably isn't helping.
[Video]
[Joker shakes his head before waiting, somewhat patiently, for the other to keep going and he immediately regrets it a bit.
It's almost as bad as when Mordin gets going.]
Right. So....alternate realities thing. Got it.
Wait, what reality are you from then?
[Video]
[Kaidan explains the varren remark with one word, then adds a few more for good measure.] Her idea of a cuddly pet, apparently... although 'affectionate varren' might describe her pretty well, come to think of it.
[His limited interactions with Jack have all been with her in her current Biotic Mama Bear configuration. 'Affectionate' is at least possible to imagine, if you've heard her talk about her students.]
And, uh... my Shepard's a brunette, and an infiltrator instead of the pair of vanguards here, just to mix things up further. She's pretty much an exact match for the blonde Shepard, personality-wise, and it seems like a lot of their major decisions lined up.
[He pauses, and it's not entirely clear if he's pained or hopeful as he wonders ] Does yours have a habit of yelling at Reapers while on foot?
[Video]
[Joker frowns a bit.]
So you're Shepard isn't my Shepard. The one I know is a red head. I don't know much about the blonde but my Shepard definitely is pretty sarcastic and snappy when she wants to be but she always does the right thing. And she's a vanguard so...
[And he can't help but snort, grinning a bit.]
Oh yeah. Most definitely.
[Video]
Oh... and here they have a dinosaur. Or the redheaded one caught it, then she got pulled back into the pods and I got stuck looking after a triceratops [And if Kaidan isn't totally bragging while sounding put out about it, then he was never a six year old.] until the blonde Shepard woke up from the pods and I could give her the dinosaur. Which she's now trained to ride.
[Video]
[Joker's just..going to stare for a second.]
Are you..high or something?
[Video]
[Which is not to say that Kaidan, Vancouver-raised as he is, is unaware of what being high is like.]
If memory serves me right, I'd probably be giggling at random intervals and I'm pretty sure nobody wants to see that. But seriously, it's dinosaurs that are a sticking point, when we've just hammered out that there are different copies of Shepard scattered across realities?
[Video]
Hey, I've already talked to both Shepards. I'm kind of over the shock of that. Dinosaurs though? I mean, sure we all joked about turians looking like dinosaurs but I'm assuming you're not talking about turians running around in the wild.
[Video]
Ah... no, no turians. There are some packs of feathered raptors, but they're kind've tiny. No krogans, either. But Shepard has a triceratops. She named it Walter.
[Video]
...This has got to be the weirdest thing that has ever happened to me. And that's saying something considering we're apart of Shepard's crew.
[Video]
[Kaidan's delivery is beautifully straight, eyebrows lifted in innocent inquiry. He's just trying to be helpful. Really.]
[Video]
[Oh, he's going to make him show you that damn dinosaur, Kaidan.]
[Video]
[A beat, and a smirk.]
Or bribe the local kids into doing it. Some of the ones that fussed over Walter were like kids and horses, but worse.
[Video]
Like a Wrex that can't talk back.
[Yeah. He likes the sound of that.]
Bribing kids to clean up dinosaur droppings...nice, Kaidan.
[Video]